This was originally posted on my Facebook and Twitter accounts and I decided to post it here due to its length and subject matter.
It’s been about a year since I’ve talked about my mental health issues, since those issues stopped me dead in my tracks and psychologically blocked me from functioning in every day life in many ways. I recently started writing again, and revealed that I had started going to therapy. It’s been about a year now since I’ve started and I’d like to share what I’ve learned about myself. Hopefully, this will help those going through something similar either by helping them understand how they feel and think, inspiring them to seek help, or simply feeling less alone in their struggles. I’ll be posting articles like this from time to time about the various issues I have so this will be the first of several. Without further ado, these are my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder tendencies.
A quick introduction before I get into the editorial proper. This is an article that has been delayed longer than I would’ve wished for. I wanted for some time now to write about more than just video games, music, and movies. Moving forward, this WordPress blog is going to be more based on myself than the topics I typically focus on. I mentioned this in the past, but this is really the start of that. Instead of coming to this blog for stuff on video games, you’ll be coming here for me, for my views and thoughts on a variety of topics. Subject matter will start becoming more serious and more controversial topics are bound to pop up. I thank you for continuing to read my work, and support my content. Video games and the like will still have a big presence here, as I’m still passionate about those subjects. However, you’re going to see a lot more than just that from now on. Now on to the editorial. Continue reading “2016 Was Terrible, But Important”
2016 was a terrible year for many, myself included thanks to having something of a mental breakdown, resulting in me essentially sitting out most of the year. I’m fairly positive that I didn’t adhere to any of my resolutions from last year so this year is going to be an especially fresh start. I’ve got 12 resolutions this year (yeah, that’s a lot) but I’ve got a whole year to do them! These are my New Years Resolutions for 2017!
since I could hold my head up high.
It’s been three weeks since my last post, which was also a Journal entry. I’ve calmed down a lot since then, as I’ve learned to let myself relax more. Although I still have the urge to plan things way ahead of time and make lists of things I feel like accomplishing, I don’t feel as compelled to act on it like I did before. The one thing I still need to work on is allowing myself to just do things at random. I still struggle to let myself have downtime that isn’t planned. Simple things like picking something random on Netflix to watch when I have nothing to do is still difficult for me but I don’t do things I don’t want to do just to feel a form of productivity anymore. I don’t try to keep up with everything as much as before since I know that I just can not do it all by myself.
A week or so ago, I wanted to get back into the flow of things. The world isn’t going to stop for me, I thought, and it hasn’t. However, I was so worried about falling into the same patterns as before. Now, although that’s still a concern of mine, I’m so much more confident that I won’t now than I was before. I’ve been stockpiling ideas for articles and projects and I feel confident that I’m in a healthy enough frame of mind to accomplish them. This blog is actually me starting to get back into the swing of things. Hopefully, this will continue from this point on. If not, I’ll try again. I will say that I still haven’t talked to anyone medically about my sleeping, anxiety, and neurosis issues yet but that’s one of the things I am planning to get done.
Just to give a bit of a preview of things, I plan to write a new Game Pitch on Resident Evil 7, I’m playing through The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess HD for review for Middle of Nowhere Gaming, I want to start streaming again on Twitch, and I want to start a brand new in depth gaming review show on YouTube. I probably won’t be able to do the YouTube show for at least a month but perhaps it’ll be sooner. I also have plans to do more things but I’ll leave that in the dark for now. I feel good; I feel positive. Some days are better than others, but I accept that as an inevitability until I am able to get help, which may take quite some time. Well, that’s all from me. Peace and Love, Brothers and Sisters. Colorwind out.
I have been dealing with my sleep issues sans pills for a week now as well as realizing that I may have some anxiety and neurosis issues. I think I need to write in a long format my thoughts and progress with this as of now. I’ll prefix this by saying that I haven’t seen a doctor about anxiety or neurosis so there could be a chance that I’m overreacting to perhaps being just stressed or sleep deprived. I’m not sure if I’d prefer to be wrong or to have a clinical word attached to how I feel and think. Regardless, this is what I’ve come to understand for the time being so far.
I had no schedule today. I woke up, tired since my sleeping pills aren’t working still, and just sat in my office watching videos and surfing the net. I had met my quota. I had published three posts on my blog in two days (this will make it four) and had written an editorial for Middle of Nowhere Gaming. That editorial was still in editing so I had nothing to do. I was free from obligations to my colleagues, from my personal weekly goals and from the metaphorical voice in my head that tells me I’m not accomplishing anything. Continue reading “Journal: If I Ever Get Around To Living”