Journal: Expression

So I’m doing this again. I thought tweeting and other social networks would satiate this itch to blog about life but it didn’t. I haven’t really been expressing myself and talking about how I feel and seeing how I express myself better not just in writing but long form writing, I’ve decided to bring my online Journal back. So now that we’re done with the exposition, let’s begin with the expression.

I took last week off. I didn’t look for a job, I didn’t write, I didn’t make any video content, I didn’t do any of the stuff I do everyday. For a bit, I was enjoying myself. That’s rare for me. I typically feel guilty when I’m not productive. I feel like I don’t really deserve to just sit around, relax, and do nothing. I think the problem is that I don’t have a lot to show for the work I do. I do all this writing and video production as a means of showing that I know how to do this kind of thing so I can be hired to do it. That’s how I was able to write for MONG and PixlBit and Gaming Precision. However, except for Gaming Precision, I’m not getting paid for any of this. I’m not self-sufficient as a result. Doesn’t matter that I spent three hours on a review or four hours editing, rendering, and uploading a video, as well as creating a thumbnail image and filling out all the metadata. I don’t have any money to show for it. It doesn’t help that even though I’m looking for a more traditional job, I can’t get one.

Well anyways, I did manage to enjoy myself last week. The reason was because I did a lot of work the weeks before that I was really proud of and I felt like I earned a break. Then we had some company unexpectedly come over. Drama happened and that kinda ruined that for me. I won’t get into it here because I don’t want to make that kind of thing public. I am back to the grind now and the drama has finally subsided. With all the things I want to do now that I’m back to it, I am starting to feel a bit overwhelmed but I’m just taking it piece by piece as I’ve noticed that I typically do better when I take my time and don’t adhere to a self imposed time constraint. Alright. That’s all for now.


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